"When his ass was scorched by the flash of a fecal lance

That split his pance
And called the stick of wiping"

:rofl:

THE PIG DOCTOR said:

Doctor Cohen I have bad news
The Bartlett Shitpig has come to you
The she-hog of the diseas'd poomb
Is sitting in our waiting room

O! Nurse can you please say it's not so
I cannot face her camel toe
I'd rather deal with a geriatric's cheese
Than pap smear that obese beast

Her poonany is like a petri dish
With trolls and ticks and cuttlefish
The smell is like I can't describe
Please won't you help me to hide?

Yes I know that I took an oath 
That Hippocrates himself would have broke
Christ Himself would run away screaming
If he heard the Shitpig queefing

Leprosy is sort of fun
When compared with Shitpig's cunt
Ebola is one big laugh
Side by side with Shitpig's gash

There are things that live in volcanoes
That die in one second in Shitpig's no-nos
Her clam has bred bacteria exotic
That cannot be harmed by antibiotics

The Pighoal defies medical science
And if you think that I'm lying
Tell me what that thing is
Living in the Shitpig's quiff

­HAhahahahaha

Some come here to sit and think
Some come here to shit and stink
I come here to scratch my balls
And read the writings on these walls

Lori's vagooter infected with cheese.
Her furry snatch infested with fleas.
The boils on her butt that need to be lancid.
The smell that's emitted is really quite rancid.

There was once a Shitpig from Bartlett,
Who was quite the negro loving harlot,
But her hubbly like them too,
Like the monkeys in the zoo,
So he never gave her the letter named scarlet.

she on bed, ass up
spanqui scrubb teh greazy folds
weekly anus cleanse­


lardaciously large
bulkie buttocks breaking brapppppps
stench suffuses shack­


rotund wobble walk
her teletubby hubby 
approaches the fridge

As war drums beat across the land
I search for certain comfort and
A pent up sexual release
From Sh1tpig’s cooter slick with grease

Ukrainian mother’s cry in pain
As I enter Shitpig once again
Oblivious to the marching troops
I enter from where Sh1tpig poops

The Russian tanks roll toward the west
And soldiers mount their best defense
And I, having explored Sh1tpig’s south
Now move up toward her open mouth

In times of war we all must try
To do our best to just get by
And I will try to play my roles
By ravaging all of Sh1tpig’s holes

:lol:

.

. said:

THE PIG DOCTOR said:

Doctor Cohen I have bad news
The Bartlett Shitpig has come to you
The she-hog of the diseas'd poomb
Is sitting in our waiting room

O! Nurse can you please say it's not so
I cannot face her camel toe
I'd rather deal with a geriatric's cheese
Than pap smear that obese beast

Her poonany is like a petri dish
With trolls and ticks and cuttlefish
The smell is like I can't describe
Please won't you help me to hide?

Yes I know that I took an oath 
That Hippocrates himself would have broke
Christ Himself would run away screaming
If he heard the Shitpig queefing

Leprosy is sort of fun
When compared with Shitpig's cunt
Ebola is one big laugh
Side by side with Shitpig's gash

There are things that live in volcanoes
That die in one second in Shitpig's no-nos
Her clam has bred bacteria exotic
That cannot be harmed by antibiotics

The Pighoal defies medical science
And if you think that I'm lying
Tell me what that thing is
Living in the Shitpig's quiff

­HAhahahahaha

­I laffed all over.  :sadbanana:

It was a mighty snug resort, that Bartlett-side motel:

A cheap resort where buttcheeks were kissed "not wisely, but too well";
The sweeprmen all had gone to bed, and other twinks departed,
When Spankie suggested to Heekee 'twas nearly time they started.

They drifted to the leather bar, and asked the sleepy waiter
For two tacos, to carry 'em home before the hour grew later;
Spankie ate his; while Heekee exclaimed, "Ole fattie, gimme light!
I don't know how you're feeling, but I'm very, very tight!"

... I'm very hard, your ass is tight"-Spankie lurched against a car,
And most appealingly remarked "Which is the right taco?
'Tis difficult to fix it; you guess, p'r'aps, what I mean;
I know you're only smoking pole, but I can see your peen!"

:lol:

. said:

I been warped by the smell, of a big fat sow

I'm stoned on norcos, don't ya know
And I'm still, hoggin'
And I was out on Rusich road, late at night
I see my pretty Sh1tpig in every headlight
Shitpig, Bartlett Sh1tpig

Well I've seen her break wind, right out in the street
Saw the fupa floppin, but I'm still on my feet
And I'm still, hoggin'
Smuggled some taco-bell from Mexico
Value-pack chalupas, every time I go to Mexico
And I'm still hoggin'

I've been from Bartlett to North Aurora, Elgin to Naperville
Ridden every kind of pig that's ever been made yeah
Stuck to the back roads,'cuz she's too fat to weigh
And if you give me ... cupcakes for my swine
And you show me a sign, I'll be hogging'

­Sincere apologies to Little Feat.  Really.
               /
:whitetrash:

:spanky2:

THIS THREAD IS **PURE GOLD ***

Poor Impulse Control, A Love Story

When Lori ate a mess of pies
Did she not ever realize
That calories go to her thighs?
We know the hows but not the whys­.

When Lori gorged on Yodels stacked
She must have figured when she snacked
That consequences were abstract.
She figured wrong, and that's a fact.

When Lori­ first found Taco Bell
Attracted by the Sysco smell
Did she not see their clientele
And know that this would not end well?­

I wonder what she did expect
From bad decisions made unchecked­
A low IQ mind can't connect
A tempting cause and sad effect.

Crusty vaj that smells like carp
Panties made from giant tarp
Flapjack titties never milked
I need a girl of Sh1tpig’s ilk

Lazy eye looks north and south
Stick HeekeesPeepee in her mouth
And drop a load onto her tongue
Or maybe in her stanky bung

I use Brian's shopvac, to rooter out my clam
My last Pap smear came back "ham"
I connect my coochie to the woodshop vent
Some Detroit African Americans were drawn by the scent

­Leolz.

. said:

When Lori­ first found Taco Bell
Attracted by the Sysco smell
Did she not see their clientele
And know that this would not end well?­

­
:lol:

In the shadow of the moon, Shitpig

And I know we'll be there soon, Shitpig
I can't figure out, Shitpig
if it's the end or beginning, Shitpig
But the train's put it's brakes on, Shitpig
And the whistle is screaming, Shitpig

. said:

The log's in play, descending fast
The early signs suggest it's vast
Ofttimes before the Hog dreamt big
But for sequoia to prove twig.
But not this, yea. 'It's loose! It's loose!'
Momentum builds like grain through goose.
The oaken shaft the vast rump quits
Fast followed by a burst of squits
Panting and heaving, Spanky reels
No drywall found, o'er he keels
Exhausted by his mortal fight
'Gainst half a stone of Faux-Mex shite.
While Shitpig hums a merry tune
And scampers back with bib and spoon.

­:rofl:

^ one of my favorites, and definitely in the top five pieces of Shitpig literature ever written, along with that Night Before Christmas one.

Hilarious that the self-proclaimed "Poetloriat" was never smart enough to be an actual poet, yet inspired so many works of genius.

Beano Martin said:

In Bartlett, where food is king
When cousin meets cousin, here's what they say...

When the stench hits your nose like a foul fecal rose, that's a Lori
When your FUPA expands past the strength of lap bands, that's a Lori

Rav4 struts scrape scrape scrap
'cause they're bent out of shape, from her weight-a
Heart goes pitter-pat-pat
'cause its stressed from her fat, medicate-a

When MS makes you drool like you dropped out of school, that's a Lori­
When you waddle five feet with a turd at your feet, you're in love
When you waked from a dream by your spouse's ass steam, signore
You can clearly derive, you're in old Ruzich Drive, with a Lori

­
This one is also top 5.

download, screenshot, or print out nao!!!
:more: