Topic: Winner-take-all, beyond the Thunderdome Shitpig poetry contest. Cash prize.
Posted by .
Unregistered


Stained blue moo-moo
Waddling to the buffet
The horror I've seen


Posted by .
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If OP was an Indian his name would be TALKS SHIT TO HIMSELF.


Posted by .
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Fuck . . . I cried reading this here fred. :lol:


Posted by .
Unregistered


. said: If OP was an Indian his name would be TALKS SHIT TO HIMSELF.

­           /
:shitpig::poo:


:nono:

Many people have contributed to this fine thread.


Posted by .
Unregistered


BOULBZEBUB'S ADVOCATE


Jurors, take heed: let us name Phi
The distance 'twixt each outspread thigh.
Her queefs are a phenom'non strange;
They share a Boeing's dB range.
That resonance, pass'd through her flab,
Gives Richter fit to rend a slab.
Your callipers may keep their station,
That gulf from which gouts menstruation
Is such as defies mensuration.

Call forth her consort! looming huge,
Wrested from feasting 'pon nig spooge.
A fact so trite to state it's crass:
The prim'ry factor is his MASS.
To quantify it isn't simple -
Makes Cyril Smith look like a pimple -
And yet we must; this lardy boy's
Surpassing great avoirdupois
Serves to support my client's pleading;
That one so given to his feeding
Is plainly incapable of breeding.

Take, first, in hand our mammoth's weight,
Then do but just extrapolate
A value for the total force
Required to prise from his gock's jaws -
And thrust from there at such a chat
As to impale his poor beard's twat -
A prick so dainty as t' amuse
A vaginismus-stricken shrew.
Let us ransack the Punic Abjads
For characters to gauge the gonads.
And you will this shambolic squire
Find past contention as the sire
Of stripling sweet, 'spite puke and mewl,
Or anything but taco stool.

Quod erat demonstrandum, folks:
These sorry porkers cannot poke.


Posted by .
Unregistered


Le YEAST c'est moi!


Posted by .
Unregistered


A sow I spied before Jimmy Johns mart
Stop, drop and paint the sidewalk with a shart


Posted by .
Unregistered


The Shitpig had an M*M
With a few more bites it had 110
I didn't get this great FUPA you see
On only 140 calories!


Posted by .
Unregistered


. said: A fact so trite to state it's crass:
The prim'ry factor is his MASS.
To quantify it isn't simple -
Makes Cyril Smith look like a pimple -
And yet we must; this lardy boy's
Surpassing great avoirdupois
Serves to support my client's pleading;
That one so given to his feeding
Is plainly incapable of breeding.

­
:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:


Posted by .
Unregistered


Lori Guntberg shitpig sowt would not take the shit pail out

She'd scour the pots and scrub the pans
Consume the poo and hoard it too
And though her boubie would scream and shout
She simply would not take the shit pail out
And so, it piled up to the ceilings
Coffee grounds, potato peelings
Brown bananas, rotten peas, chunks of sour cottage cheese
That filled the can and covered the floor, cracked the window and blocked the door
With bacon rinds and chicken bones, drippy ends of ice cream cones
Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel
Gluppy glumps of cold oat meal, pizza crust and withered greens
And soggy beans and tangerines and crust of black burned buttered toast
And gristly bits of beefy roast
The shit poo rolled on down the hall, it raised the roof, it broke the wall
I mean, greasy napkins, cookie crumbs
Globs of gooey bubble gums, cellophane from green baloney, rubbery blubbery macaroni, peanut butter, caked and dry
Curdled milk and crusts of pie, moldy melons, dried-up mustard, eggshells mixed with lemon custard
Cold french fries and rancid meat, yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat
At last the shit pile reached so high that it finally touched the sky
And all the neighbors moved away
And none of her friends would come to play
And finally, Lori Guntberg shitpig said
"OK, I'll take the shit pail out!"
But then, of course, it was too late
The shit poo reached across the state
From New York to the Golden Gate
And there, in the shit pile she did hate
Poor Lori met an awful fate
That I cannot, right now relate
Because the hour is much too late
But children, remember Lori Shitpig
And let her eat the shitpile before it gets big


Posted by .
Unregistered


. said: Lori Guntberg shitpig sowt would not take the shit pail out

She'd scour the pots and scrub the pans
Consume the poo and hoard it too
And though her boubie would scream and shout
She simply would not take the shit pail out
And so, it piled up to the ceilings
Coffee grounds, potato peelings
Brown bananas, rotten peas, chunks of sour cottage cheese
That filled the can and covered the floor, cracked the window and blocked the door
With bacon rinds and chicken bones, drippy ends of ice cream cones
Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel
Gluppy glumps of cold oat meal, pizza crust and withered greens
And soggy beans and tangerines and crust of black burned buttered toast
And gristly bits of beefy roast
The shit poo rolled on down the hall, it raised the roof, it broke the wall
I mean, greasy napkins, cookie crumbs
Globs of gooey bubble gums, cellophane from green baloney, rubbery blubbery macaroni, peanut butter, caked and dry
Curdled milk and crusts of pie, moldy melons, dried-up mustard, eggshells mixed with lemon custard
Cold french fries and rancid meat, yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat
At last the shit pile reached so high that it finally touched the sky
And all the neighbors moved away
And none of her friends would come to play
And finally, Lori Guntberg shitpig said
"OK, I'll take the shit pail out!"
But then, of course, it was too late
The shit poo reached across the state
From New York to the Golden Gate
And there, in the shit pile she did hate
Poor Lori met an awful fate
That I cannot, right now relate
Because the hour is much too late
But children, remember Lori Shitpig
And let her eat the shitpile before it gets big

­:potd:


Posted by .
Unregistered


Eggsuh, Eggsuh, on teh floor, 
In the kitchen of the boar; 
What dull tearful wall-eye, 
Could frame thy fearful pigsty?

In what distant gravel pits
Pile the sewage of thy shits?
On what Great John dare she sit
And risk the crack of porcelain's split?


Posted by .
Unregistered


Thought of a better couplet that's closer to Blake's wording:


Eggsuh, Eggsuh, on teh floor, 
In the kitchen of the boar; 
What immortal magic marker, 
Could make thy fearful tiles darker?


Posted by .
Unregistered


. said:
In what distant gravel pits
Pile the sewage of thy shits?
On what Great John dare she sit
And risk the crack of porcelain's split?

­
:lol:


Posted by CHEAT DAY
Unregistered


Cheat day, Cheat day
Yummy all I can eat day
My half-ton husband
is an effete gay

Cheat day candy
Goes to my fanny
My fat gunt is
already a calam'ty

My wall-eye
Falls on my sty
What is a cheat day?
One that ends in y.

Cheat day, cheat day
What shall I eat day?
I am a Shitpig
And so is B.J.

A pack of M and Ms
None for my friends
If Brians wants some
I'll feed him my Depends


Posted by .
Unregistered


Greedy gobble candy crew
Three for me and none for you
Extra large just seems too small
So I gotta make a call


Posted by .
Unregistered


Yummy, yummy M & Ms
Munch so fast I get the bends
Chocolate candies in my trotters
Chomping by the creek of otters

Where are they? Gone so fast?
That's three servings? Kiss my ass
I pump in one bag and one bag more
one bag, two bags, forty four


It's my cheat day so I can eat
It has been cheat day all this week
All this week and all this month
It's been cheat day since two-thousand-one

Tomorrow will I exercise
Then my gunt will I resize
If not tomorrow then real soon
June 2032, right around noon


Posted by .
Unregistered


Of 'Pig’s first dreadful diet, and the lack
Of that forbidden sweet whose sug'ry taste
Brought girth unto her Gunt, at cost of
Endless hungie pangs, till one still fatter man
Tempted her resolve to break, for motives dark,
Sing, Anonymous Dot, of the drive thrus
Of Bartlett, whose easy-order menus did inspire
That IT associate to first teach his trusting bride
That a calorie is a calorie, so charge it and feast
Forget tomorrow, let Sysco's art caress thy tongue
All else junk science: or, if consequences
Delight thee more, then did her credit score decline
With speed of Lucifer cast from grace.
Speak, Hermes, Process Server of Zeus
Declare past meals must still be paid for,
Invoke the Erinyes' justice for my post,
To harry slothful pigs who cheated these debts,
Broke their oaths in Adephagia's thrall
And now impartial fate will break them back.


Posted by .
Unregistered


Forget tomorrow, let Sysco's art caress thy tongue


nice


Posted by .
Unregistered


It's a shame to admit it but I actually hit my long-abandoned poetry books on the strength of this thread. You fuckers are like 'Renaissance Man' taught coprophagia.


Posted by Dick James
Unregistered


SuperEat

She's a very stinky girl
The kind you don't bring home to Culver's
She will never put a taco down
Once you get her off her feet

She likes the boys with the lapband
She says trifectas are her favorite
When she makes her move to the bathtub
You know its Lori's time to feed
(She's never hard to please)

That girl is pretty fat now
(The girl can super eat!)
The kind of girl you read about
(In 4H magazines!)
That girl is pretty stinky
(The girl can super eat!)
She really loves to taste it
(Every time we eat!)
She's not right, she's not right
That girl's not right
With me, yeah

Super eat, super eater, yeah!


Posted by .
Unregistered


Dick James said: SuperEat

She's a very stinky girl
The kind you don't bring home to Culver's
She will never put a taco down
Once you get her off her feet

She likes the boys with the lapband
She says trifectas are her favorite
When she makes her move to the bathtub
You know its Lori's time to feed
(She's never hard to please)

That girl is pretty fat now
(The girl can super eat!)
The kind of girl you read about
(In 4H magazines!)
That girl is pretty stinky
(The girl can super eat!)
She really loves to taste it
(Every time we eat!)
She's not right, she's not right
That girl's not right
With me, yeah

Super eat, super eater, yeah!

­4H Magazines...nice.


Posted by THE PIG DOCTOR
Unregistered


Doctor Cohen I have bad news
The Bartlett Shitpig has come to you
The she-hog of the diseas'd poomb
Is sitting in our waiting room

O! Nurse can you please say it's not so
I cannot face her camel toe
I'd rather deal with a geriatric's cheese
Than pap smear that obese beast

Her poonany is like a petri dish
With trolls and ticks and cuttlefish
The smell is like I can't describe
Please won't you help me to hide?

Yes I know that I took an oath 
That Hippocrates himself would have broke
Christ Himself would run away screaming
If he heard the Shitpig queefing

Leprosy is sort of fun
When compared with Shitpig's cunt
Ebola is one big laugh
Side by side with Shitpig's gash

There are things that live in volcanoes
That die in one second in Shitpig's no-nos
Her clam has bred bacteria exotic
That cannot be harmed by antibiotics

The Pighoal defies medical science
And if you think that I'm lying
Tell me what that thing is
Living in the Shitpig's quiff


Posted by .
Unregistered


Every verse of the above is worthy of praise :respeck:


Posted by .
Unregistered


Second poster.



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