Topic: Winner-take-all, beyond the Thunderdome Shitpig poetry contest. Cash prize.
Posted by UncleDon

The Stinks said: I met her in line in the old Taco Bell
Where you eat cheap meat and then head straight to the
T O R Y Tory
She stood right behind me and the smell made me choke
I asked her her name and in a slurred Norco croak she said Lori
L-O-R-I Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori

Well, I'm not the world's most sensitive guy
But her cloud of BO was straight from a pigsty
Oh my Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori
Well, I'm not dumb but I’ll never know how
She stood on two feet with the bulk of a sow
Oh my Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori

Well, we went back for seconds and then went for more
She knocked down those tacos like a starving she-boar
Oh my Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori
I'm not the world's most financially savvy mind
But when she went up to pay her card was declined
Oh my Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori

She said it was rood and a total raw deal
She said, "Little boy, why don’t you pay for my meal?"
Now I'm not Bartlett’s biggest deadbeat
But when I looked at the receipt
Well, I almost went bankrupt for Lori
Lo lo lo lo Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori
Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori, lo lo lo lo Lori

A classic

Posted by .


Posted by .

I met her in line in the old Taco Bell

Where you eat cheap meat and then head straight to the
T O R Y Tory


Posted by .

. said: Spanky took Shitpig home
Cash said "Son, can I see you alone?"
Said he Brian she's a pig
How'd she get so damned big?
And she's got a Mongoloid genome


Posted by .

. said: Poor Impulse Control, A Love Story

When Lori ate a mess of pies
Did she not ever realize
That calories go to her thighs?
We know the hows but not the whys­.

When Lori gorged on Yodels stacked
She must have figured when she snacked
That consequences were abstract.
She figured wrong, and that's a fact.

When Lori­ first found Taco Bell
Attracted by the Sysco smell
Did she not see their clientele
And know that this would not end well?­

I wonder what she did expect
From bad decisions made unchecked­
A low IQ mind can't connect
A tempting cause and sad effect.


Posted by Late Fagment

Gaymond Lardver said: And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did not.
And what did you want?
To call myself a bear, to feel myself
out and proud on the earth.­

Posted by .

. said: Spanky took Shitpig home
Cash said "Son, can I see you alone?"
Said he Brian she's a pig
How'd she get so damned big?
And she's got a Mongoloid genome

­Once you get the meter of this one, it's pretty good!

In fact, I think I wrote it.

Posted by .

. said: I am the Shitpig and I need to douche
While my husband is working at Deloitte & Touche
I get out the vinegar and baking soda
Anything to help me with my odor

I pour in some ammonia, some carbolic and bleach
Whoops I just expelled it with a queef
I'm a bit smelly like a monger of fish
I get seagulls who can't resist my quiff

I use Brian's shopvac, to rooter out my clam
My last Pap smear came back "ham"
I connect my coochie to the woodshop vent
Some Detroit African Americans were drawn by the scent

I've got cheese, my vaginal flora is out of control
It's like the Amazon is growing in my hole
I have to admit it, my axe wound is stank
A yeast just said to me "Hi there, I'm Frank."

My vag is an outcast, I was fired by my gynecologist
He said what I really needed was a zoologist
I've got worms, voles, crabs and fleas
Jacques Cousteau explored the hole where I pee

He sent the Calypso in, just to look about
There were cetaceans, crustaceans and three kinds of trout
"Sheetpeeg," he said, "you need to clean your hoo-haa."
"Or I am afraid your cunt will be taken over by barracuda."

­Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! :rofl:

Posted by .

This thread delivers.

Posted by .

Posted by A Short Pig Pome

Shitpig said "I've lost 100 pounds"
Spanky thought "but you're still completely round"
Shitpig said "Hon, I'm on a diet"
Spanky thought "if you could catch a buffalo you'd fry it"
Shitpig said "I work out constantly"
Spanky thought "but your panties grow larger persistently"
Shitpig said "I look good in my little dress"
Spanky thought "Little? That'd be too big on a T-Rex"
Shitpig said "my dinner tonight is some steamed lettuce"
Spanky thought "with our grocery bill Amex will come and get us"
Said she "I got control of my eating habits"
Spanky thought "yeah right and I'm not a total faggot"

Posted by .

Spanky with common sense? An unusual twist!

Posted by GabeStromsCheddar

Still need to crown the winner…

Posted by RealL0ri

I was sitting there,

Just watching t.v.,
When a craving
Came up over me,
So I paused “The View”
And headed
To the kitchen. 

Into the fridge
I stuck my head,
Hopin’ to find
What I’d be fed;
Whatever it was
I’d only have
A smidgeon. 

What I saw atop
The frosted glass shelf,
Sure as heck 
Wasn’t no elf,
But a plate of 
Fried chicken
That seemed 
To call
My name. 

Well, I had one piece,
And then another;
Let me tell you something,
It was the kind of good
The Colonel couldn’t claim. 

I managed to eat
Every last bite,
It didn’t put up
Too much of a fight. 
Then I washed it down
With a big ol’
Glass of vodka.

You probably think
That’d be enough,
Or I shouldn’t eat
That kind of stuff,
But you don’t know
What this hankerin’
Did to me. 

Was my belly full?
It sure was.
But I looked around
Just because 
I felt like
I needed
Something sweet.

So I opened up 
The big snack drawer,
It’s on the bottom,
Right near the floor,
And when I bent down
I caught a rare glimpse 
Of my feet. 

They looked okay
So I carried on,
Reached in
And found
My hand upon 
A bag
Of my favorite 
chocolate yodels.

I thought twice,
Even put them back,
But the picture,
There upon the sack,
Looked so good
It had me lickin’ 
My lips.

So I tore right in,
Though they ain’t too sweet,
I’d eat a few 
Just as a treat
While I figured out
What I
Was lookin’ for.

Then I saw a box 
Of honey buns, 
And traded my yodels
So I could have one, 
But still, 
I endeavored
To explore. 

Next came norcos
Pills of many sorts,
Cookies, cakes,
Chocolate milk
In quarts. 
But nothing yet
Had seemed 
To hit the spot.

So I sat back down 
To watch t.v.
With this banana split
Upon my knee
I’ll just watch my show
And give
That craving 
More thought.

Posted by Underpance Dance

Shitpig queefing in her pance
Shuffling druggie undie dance
Her bloomers fluffing with a stink
The only part of her not pink
Brown and black and spotted yellow
Good ol' Spanky, lucky fellow
Panty odor from a strange dimension
Most effective birth prevention
Splatters like a horror scene
Leaking from her horrid bean
Steel belted not elastic
Wee-wee smells like burning plastic

Posted by AmberRoseGallagher

. said: This thread delivers.

And how

Posted by .

. said: The Saville went down to Georgia, he was looking for a dick to suck
He was in a bind, AMEX payments behind, so he was tryin to make a buck
When he came across this manlet sucking on a penis and sucking it hot
So the Saville rolled up in his rascal and said “boy, let me tell you what”

“I guess you didn’t know it but I’m a skinflute player too
And if you care to take a dare I’ll make a bet with you
Now you suck pretty good penis, boy, but give the Spankster his due
I’ll bet a bottle of pills ‘gainst all my bills cause I think I‘m gayer than you”

The guy said, “my clan’s Akins, and it might be a sin
But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret,
Cause I’m the best there’s ever been”

Livingston, you better suck dick like a vacuum cleaner
Cause pride’s broke loose in Georgia and the Saville loves a weiner
And if you win, you get this shiny bottle of Norcos
But if you lose, the Saville will foreclose”

Spanky eyed the local twinks and said I’ll start this script
And saliva dripped down from his mouth as he greedily licked his lips
When suddenly Shitpig showed up fuming, she was obviously annoyed,
Hun give those back, those are MY OPIOIDS”
You can’t go’ round betting my pills cause they’re not yours to possess
I need them for my undiagnosed MS!”

The Saville hung his head in shame cause he knew when he was beat
A wager without stakes can't be substantially complete
He should have stuck with classics like contests of penis measures
Because his cousin sweatpea’s like a dragon with her treasures

Rav4 in the drive through, cook boys cook
The Saville wants a meal and you’re on the hook
Shitpig in the kitchen picking up eggsuh
Her FUPA conceals a canyon of smegma



Posted by .

HP Sneedcraft said: I took leave of my father's decrepit farmhouse in my modest Guatemalan automobile, making reasonable pace across a landscape bereft of anything resembling what I had come to know as modernity. I eventually I reached the general store, a flimsy wooden structure that emitted a dark cloud of smoke from a narrow chimney.

Two locals sat outside in the midday sun, accomplishing nothing and seemingly content in their doing so. Their bestial stupidity, likely the result of generations of inbreeding and race-mixing, was apparent in both their appearance and vocabulary.

My eyes were immediately drawn towards the words emblazoned above the door. These words perplexed me in such a manner that defy ordinary description, I shall not repeat them here, for I fear that anyone who stumbles upon this tome will meet the same fate as I should they read them. I have not slept in weeks, as I have tried in increasing desperation to decipher the true meaning of that inscription. I fear it is pointless. The fate of this city slicker is sealed.


Posted by GabeStromsCheddar

Ou est moi petite porker?
La belle femme que j’aime..

Posted by .

. said:

Google says it’s a 4chan copypasta :shrug: not sure why it’s in this thread

Posted by ArtieTubbs

. said:
. said:

Google says it’s a 4chan copypasta :shrug: not sure why it’s in this thread


It’s a magic number

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