Arrived in Germany and on steroids so I feel pretty good despite recovering from the jetlag.
Doctors in the US confirmed the first diagnosis. The experimental treatment here in Germany is now my last hope.
Will be posting updates coming days. Really fingers crossed. Last days/weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride and need to get my feet on the ground and think/act straight again. Potentially limited time left, so have to get the best/most out of it if my visit here fails:(
I'm working on a list of things... visiting family and friends is one of them, for many it will be a farewell visit as I don't have much time.
I also still want to visit Alaska, don't ask me why, it's something I've wanted as a kid and never got around to.
Will probably spend some time setting up a foundation to give scholarships to poor kids who have what it takes to get a good education but lack the funds and probably come from a disadvantaged background, like myself.
Will set aside a considerable sum of money for inheritance, and rest for medical bills as well as just living. I do intend to do some crazy party things now i still can. At least one more cocaine high, perhaps some top notch hookers (porn stars, just so i have regrets during my last days) etc
But the list is evolving. I have limited time. I also want this time to think and talk with people.
Heard the news today that test results indicate it is unlikely I will be able to recover and I need to make a quick decision between going for a 1 in a million shot (but enduring a lot of suffering) or accepting fate and having maybe 3-4 more months of good quality living before I will most likely slowly slip away and physicians can make it relatively pain free.
Either way, the message was to get my affairs in order. I sold all my stocks today and have put my Hong Kong place on the market. Whatever I go for, i will relocate back to NYC to enjoy home as much as possible.
Follow up appoinment to make my decision and identify next steps is on friday. I've also set up a call with my lawyer in NYC to make all necessary arrangements for my assets after I die.
I'm calm, because I'm in shock mostly. I never realized I could also be one of the veteran posters who'd drop off at some point due to the grim reaper appearing. A lot of thinking to be doing in the coming 48 hours...
I truly believe that the low self esteem of women in today's culture has killed modern chivalry. Nearly every women I have dated or known closely (including my very attractive sister) all suffer from low self esteem. This is not a guess, they have told me with their own mouth. They feel they do not deserve to be put on a pedestal, and tend to go after men who treat them poorly rather than chivalrously. It is strange, but sadly true. Their low opinion of themselves almost destroys any chance they have of finding a real knight in shining armor.
I consider myself to be very chivalrous (which has cost me dearly with women sometimes), and have great difficulty respecting any man that does not treat women this way. I do not do it for my own profit. I do it because it is what I feel is right and honorable.