We were 'friends' at some point but that was long ago. I've not (yet) been in touch with her but she is on my list of people to connect with and hopefully erase any negative energy which may exist between us. I'm not sure she's aware of my medical issues. We were out of touch for at least 1-2 years before that started.
The photo you are referring to is not of Kelly Ann Collins.
I understand where you are coming from and don't hold it against you. If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the process of making a list of people - a long list - who I need to make amends with. This includes the ladies referred to in that other thread.
I was expecting that, if I'd come out of it alive, that I'd be even worse of a personality - abusive, hedonistic, etc. But it has really changed me. That's not what I want to be remembered for.
I've been fortunate enough to have made plenty of $ previously so I don't have to work anymore. I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life - however short or long that may be as the odds are still high that it could come back - to doing positive things which help other people. I'll probably sell off a lot of my assets and live in a smaller apartment. There's not much use to having too much anyway, I can't take it with me when I eventually die.
Messed up? No, I think I'm coming out of this a better person. It's a shame this is what it took.
I'm going to be a voice for good here on F2 just like I'll try to do so outside of F2 in the real world. It may annoy some of the posters here but I hope I can make a difference. Life is too precious and people are too precious to not care.
I'd like all of F2 to know that I regret a lot of things I've done in the past including this. My DNA got wired to "abuse" any situation while starting out as an ibanker and this was just another example of it. To then post about it here on F2 makes it even worse.
I'm not proud of what I've done but am facing up to it. I'd like to talk more, in the near future, about being a force for good in life. Including here on F2. Life is too short for bad things. And karma really does exist.
I'm back and, as you could have guessed, am still alive.
After posting this thread I had the toughest 12 months of my life. I did go to Germany to get treatment and thank god it worked but it was a very painful ordeal. I concluded it was god punishing me for what I had done earlier in my life including the week long no holds barred depraved "going away" party I gave myself in NYC before flying to Europe.
After the treatment was over I completely disconnected from the world - no internet, no email, no phone and just spent time in meditation. First in Arizona, later in Tibet.
The experience of having cancer was life changing for me. I'll tell more about this later. Just returned to NYC a week ago and slowly getting my old things up and running here again.
Arrived in Germany and on steroids so I feel pretty good despite recovering from the jetlag.
Doctors in the US confirmed the first diagnosis. The experimental treatment here in Germany is now my last hope.
Will be posting updates coming days. Really fingers crossed. Last days/weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride and need to get my feet on the ground and think/act straight again. Potentially limited time left, so have to get the best/most out of it if my visit here fails:(
I'm working on a list of things... visiting family and friends is one of them, for many it will be a farewell visit as I don't have much time.
I also still want to visit Alaska, don't ask me why, it's something I've wanted as a kid and never got around to.
Will probably spend some time setting up a foundation to give scholarships to poor kids who have what it takes to get a good education but lack the funds and probably come from a disadvantaged background, like myself.
Will set aside a considerable sum of money for inheritance, and rest for medical bills as well as just living. I do intend to do some crazy party things now i still can. At least one more cocaine high, perhaps some top notch hookers (porn stars, just so i have regrets during my last days) etc
But the list is evolving. I have limited time. I also want this time to think and talk with people.
Heard the news today that test results indicate it is unlikely I will be able to recover and I need to make a quick decision between going for a 1 in a million shot (but enduring a lot of suffering) or accepting fate and having maybe 3-4 more months of good quality living before I will most likely slowly slip away and physicians can make it relatively pain free.
Either way, the message was to get my affairs in order. I sold all my stocks today and have put my Hong Kong place on the market. Whatever I go for, i will relocate back to NYC to enjoy home as much as possible.
Follow up appoinment to make my decision and identify next steps is on friday. I've also set up a call with my lawyer in NYC to make all necessary arrangements for my assets after I die.
I'm calm, because I'm in shock mostly. I never realized I could also be one of the veteran posters who'd drop off at some point due to the grim reaper appearing. A lot of thinking to be doing in the coming 48 hours...